Master Apprentice
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continued from previous part
Chapter 14
Holding the toddler close and humming softly, Anakin silently prayed that Luke would stay asleep and not wake his sister. He was proud that he'd pretty much gotten them to take their mid-afternoon naps at the same time. After sixteen months, perhaps he was finally getting the hang of this.
He looked down at the pretty face of his son, trying to decide if he was deeply-enough asleep to lay down in the crib along side Leia. He smiled despite the tiredness and worry that was nagging at his mind. Usually there was little he liked better than watching his children sleep, however today he was too worried about other things to give them his full attention.
It was long past the time the appointment should have ended. He'd expected at least a call with an update. He paced nervously, glancing down at his son every few steps. He finally gave into his worry and gently laid the child down next to his sleeping sister. When the child whimpered at the loss of the loving arms, he patted Luke's back until he quieted again. He silently left the room, keeping the door slightly ajar and opened his com unit and punched in a code, flinching when it indicated that the receiving unit was deactivated. "Damn!" He then quickly punched in another number.
"Kas, what's going on? I haven't heard anything."
"Oh, I'm sorry I should have commed you as soon as I got out of the meeting, but I got tied up with someone else. Um -- he's with Yoda right now discussing his first mission," the older woman said reluctantly.
"What? You can't be serious they are putting him on the mission roster? They must be crazy!"
"Anakin, calm down. We talked about this. He's ready. I'm confident that --."
"Yeah, about as confident as you were the last time!" he said angrily, deactivating the com.
He pushed in another number. "Corla, can you come by and watch the twins for me? I just put them down for a nap. I can't believe it, they are putting Obi-Wan back on the mission roster. I've got to stop this."
"Calm down, Anakin."
"Why does everyone keep telling me to calm down? They are going to get him killed."
"Stop being dramatic, you act like he's an invalid. He's a full Jedi knight who beats Mace in the saber ring often enough. I'll be right over."
"Yes. Okay. Just get here," he said anxiously.
As Mace and Yoda discussed Obi-Wan's first mission with the young knight, Mace was struck by the difference in the young man from just a few years ago. It was as if years had been shaved off his age; he seemed hardly older than Anakin himself now. His handsome face was often creased with a ready smile as though he found life amusing. Instead of the anger that used to boil just under the surface, Obi- Wan now possessed a quiet serenity that drew others to him. Though Mace sensed that there was still much trepidation in his old friend regarding the bond and his future, it was a controlled concern that he was successfully working out in his own mind and would eventually release to the Force.
There weren't too many beings that Mace truly admired in this galaxy, but Obi-Wan was one of them. He'd watched him go from a brilliant student, then to a troubled knight stumbling over obstacles that would have destroyed most men, to grow into one of the most serene and gifted beings he had ever known. His trial by fire had molded him into a Jedi of pure light. He wondered how many could have come out as whole as he had. It would have been so easy to allow himself to fall in love with the young knight. Force knows he'd been tempted; Obi-Wan's natural sensuality and passion were hard to resist. He was thankful that he'd listened to the Force and recognized that Obi-Wan was not meant for him.
"Happy I am that we will have you back among the working Jedi. Far too long have you been inactive. Happy your bond-mate will not be about these developments I think, hmmm?" Yoda asked as he leaned forward on his walking stick.
Obi-Wan smiled. "Anakin is over-protective, to say the least. But he will back me up -- eventually."
"Over-protective, that's like calling a Doca a little angry," Mace chuckled. "He reminds me a lot of Qui-Gon sometimes. How are your meditations going by the way?"
Obi-Wan looked at Yoda thoughtfully. "I have been doing the special meditations you suggested, Master. And I have felt something. I felt his presence for a few moments. It was – wonderful."
Yoda nodded. "The Jedi have become isolated from the people. Fear us they do. Fortunate were we that Qui-Gon killed the Sith Lord and that you were finally able to track down Dooku and kill him, otherwise all would be lost."
Mace looked over at Yoda with sadness. "It's ironic that love saved us after all, as Qui-Gon was always fond of saying. He sacrificed himself for his padawan and for the galaxy."
"My reasons are a little more personal and selfish," said Obi-Wan quietly. "When I think back on how I hated him after Naboo, I'm ashamed. I can't believe that I had so little faith in him. I want – to let him know that I understand and that I'm finally happy."
Yoda nodded and pointed at the young knight. "Know this he does, known he always has. You were the one that had to learn it, believe it. Reach him you will. Time it will take. Spoken to Anakin have you about your meditations."
Obi-Wan shook his head, worry evident in his handsome face. "I'm not sure he's ready for that yet. My change in duty status will be hard enough, but my seeking contact with Qui-Gon – he won't understand. He's still very young."
"Young Skywalker, has still much to learn. His strength and weakness, you are. Make the same mistakes your master did, you should not. Protect him and shield him you cannot. Face his fears he must," Yoda scolded tapping his walking stick several times on the floor in front of him to emphasize his point.
Mace smiled. "Yoda is right. You give in to the boy too often. He is too possessive of you and he must learn to let go if he is to realize his full potential."
Obi-Wan nodded, but didn't fully agree with Mace's criticism of Anakin. Anakin had been his rock in the last two years, making him feel loved and secure and believing in him no matter how hard things got and supporting him without question. It felt good to be protected. There were so many layers to his sweet lover that he'd discovered along the way: Anakin's mischievous sense of humor and joy in learning; how he could take anything apart and put it back together usually better than it had been before; how he seemed to glow around his children; the way he looked at everything with the eyes of a child, innocent and joyful; his incredible passion for life; the way he looked after they made love, so debauched and beautiful. Anakin wanted desperately to improve the circumstances on the outer-rim planets and wipe out slavery across the galaxy and was having some success toward making that happen. They still had so far to go to become the people they were meant to be, but he had complete faith in Anakin's ability to overcome anything he set his mind to.
He shook himself out of his thoughts and smiled shyly realizing he must look like the besotted fool that he was, if the amused looks on Yoda and Mace's face were any indication.
Mace stood chuckling to himself. "Well, I should be going. Toyin and I have much to discuss."
"Stay you will," Yoda said, looking at Obi-Wan. "Guide you through the new meditations I will."
Obi-Wan nodded.
The tall knight walked determinedly down the wide hallway his dark cloak billowing behind him, oblivious to the looks he was receiving from his fellow Jedi. Some of those looks were due to his almost celebrity-like status resulting from being one of the most recognized Jedi in the galaxy, some from the younger Jedi were because of how dashing he looked in his dark robes and a few of the elder Jedi picked up on the dark feelings that were penetrating his shields. But none of them interfered or got in the way, knowing the man's reputation for brooking no interference in his affairs.
Anakin passed by the padawan assistant sitting outside Healer Toyin's office without a glance and Force-pushed the locked door open without slowing his stride.
"Knight – Knight Skywalker you can't –," she said hopelessly.
Anakin stood in the doorway of the opened door, looking between Healer Kas Toyin and Mace Windu with a scowl. "Has the Council lost their mind?" he seethed.
Mace stood up and scowled back. "Calm down and stop acting like a lovesick fool and try to remember you are a Jedi!"
Anakin, waved his hand shutting the door behind him, right in the face of the shocked padawan. Looking somewhat more in control, he moved further inside and stood with his hands on his hips. "Well?"
"Sit!" Master Healer Kas Toyin ordered as she took a sip of water nervously. "You almost gave me a heart attack and goodness knows, you probably frightened poor Demi to death."
Anakin sat in the chair next to Mace somewhat sheepishly. "So, again, have you lost your mind?"
"I take it you heard?" Mace asked.
"Yes, and I can't believe anyone would be stupid enough to separate Obi-Wan and I this soon. He's not ready. Besides, we have toddlers to consider. I'm stuck in the Senate till late every night and have a tour scheduled early next year. And we have no idea what distance will do to the bond."
"Well, we wouldn't want to inconvenience you," Mace replied sarcastically. "But Obi-Wan is a Jedi and has the potential of becoming one of the best negotiators we have. Kas thinks he's ready, as do the other healers. Besides which, Obi-Wan wants it."
"Of course he wants it, just like he wanted out of the Alderaan facility before he was ready and look what happened then," Anakin barked.
"That's a totally different situation and you know it," Kas said defensively. "We made mistakes then, we didn't know what we were dealing with, didn't even know how to keep him alive. We've learned a lot since then."
Anakin jumped up and began pacing. "And how did you learn all of that, huh? By experimenting on my husband? He's not a guinea pig for you to test your theories on. If you are wrong again, then what? He gets killed or goes into psychic shock? He won't survive another one of your screw ups."
"Anakin!" Mace said sternly. "Look to the Force."
Anakin turned away, reaching for control, pushing away the anger and desperation he was feeling. "I – I'm sorry, Kas. I know you did the best you could. You kept him alive. I'm just – I'm afraid that he might - I came so close to losing him."
"Anakin," Kas said softly. "Please calm yourself. That's part of the problem. As I told you before, your over-protectiveness and fear undermines his confidence. He knows you believe he's going to fall apart again, and starts believing it himself. Both of you need to feel that he can handle any problems that arise. He needs to get back out into the field. He's not the type of man that's going to be satisfied with anything else. He needs action. The bond is stable now; you've had almost two years of constant companionship and intimacy. At first it will be hard to be separated, as it would be for any bonded couple, especially one that is in love as much as you two are, but the physical ramifications will be minimal."
"You don't know that for sure. You base that on theories of what you know of lesser bonds. Sith, you almost killed him the first time you treated his psychic shock because you didn't know anything about severed life-bonds. I'm sorry, but I don't trust what you think should work – this is my husband's life we are talking about."
The older woman sighed regretfully. "We did the best we could at the time. When Master Jinn repudiated the bond and concealed his feelings hoping to hide his own impending death from his padawan, it camouflaged the fact that the soul-bond they shared was valid and complete. No one realized that the Force intended all along for their severed soul-bond to be the pre-cursor of the bond you now share. We had no way of knowing how much damage was done by the treatment until Knight Kenobi was already out in the field."
"Exactly. What if you are making the same mistake now?"
Mace leaned towards Anakin. "The Council has agreed to a plan that will slowly gear him up to full active duty beginning with short missions in our star system. His first mission is to represent the Jedi at the Nano-fusion symposium on Alderaan in a few tendays. Every six cycles we will review his progress and give him a physical and mental evaluation. If he passes, he will move on to the next phase."
"What if the psychic shock strikes while he's piloting or he collapses and no one knows. That evaluation in six cycles will sure make a huge difference when I'm lighting the funeral pyre, won't it!" Anakin exclaimed. "Besides, what do you know of him; you see him a few days a week. I live with him, sleep with him. I know that he still gets melancholy and morose at times."
Mace shook his head. "Anakin, do you think that his request to go on active duty is for vanity sake on his part? Or that the Council is so desperate for knights that we would risk his life needlessly? Do you really think that? Because, if you do, you are a fool. You talk about him being morose and melancholy. Why do you think that is? He spends his days performing tasks far below his capabilities when he is used to defeating and outsmarting Sith. Obi-Wan is shriveling up and stagnating here. We are not granting his request because he wants it, but because he needs it. Yes, there are risks. No, I can't guarantee his safety, but I can't do that with any knight.
"I know it would be so much easier for you if he stayed on Coruscant so you won't have to worry about him. If you love him, you'll encourage him and support him instead of thinking about how this affects you and how cold your bed is going to be."
"I love him! Perhaps you're the one that is worried about how often he's warming my bed!" Anakin flinched at his own words knowing he was being unreasonable and looked away with embarrassment. He put his hands on his narrow hips and bit his lip. "I know – that I'm being selfish. I know that it's mostly me not wanting to – I'll miss him." He turned away from the older Jedi, not wanting them to see the effort it took to compose himself. "I – just want to make sure you are certain that he is really ready for this." He turned back around to face the healer his clear eyes shining with determination. "Promise me this: Don't release him if he's not ready or if you have any doubts."
Kas nodded and looked up at the tall man staring down at her with such vehemence. "I promise you that he is as ready as he will ever be. Now sit and let's discuss the facts and why I believe that and why I'm willing to stake my career and his life on it," she said boldly.
Anakin nodded reluctantly and moved around the desk to sit next to Mace.
Kas sighed with relief. "Our tests have shown that the bond is stable enough that it will survive great distances. As you remember, the tests done in the Force-null room were quite encouraging. You and he had very little discomfort, and most of that was felt by you. The scans we did last week show that the damage to the synapses connectors he received from the neuro-shock treatments at the Alderaan facility have almost fully regenerated and I expect that in a few more cycles there will be no sign of trauma at all. That is great news, miraculous really."
Mace nodded, then asked, "Does that mean he has full control of the Force again? And what about the endocrinological failure that caused his body chemistry to become unbalanced? Corla said that he's been suffering from depression and schizophrenia for years and that it was never treated."
"Yes, shock treatments are meant to relieve depression and mood swings, but in Obi-Wan's case they had the opposite effect. A life- bond in essence recalibrates each individual of the couple to be perfectly in tune with each other, meaning their heart-rates are the same, their brain-activity is in synch, and their midi-chlorians adjust to each others level. In other words they become symbiotic organisms that rely on each other to survive. If one of the pair is injured, the bond reaches for and borrows what is needed to survive from the healthy one until the injured one is repaired. They will keep borrowing until the healthy one is depleted and then they both die.
"Before Qui-Gon died, he cut the bond to keep this from happening. It's amazing that he was able to do it actually. However, that severance caused Obi-Wan's life rhythms to be completely thrown out of synch. The bond kept reaching for the other half, but found nothing. We almost lost him three times. He lost use of the Force, because his midi-chlorians died off. It was unbelievable what he went through in those first three cycles. The only thing that seemed to work was the neuro-shocks. They kept his body functioning and eventually helped it to find its own rhythm again. Unfortunately the neuro-shocks caused damage to his synapses connectors which control the endocrinological system."
"I'm sorry, Kas. I know you did the best you could at the time. I'm grateful you kept him alive," Anakin said contritely. "I still worry about him."
Kas reached across the desk and patted Anakin's hand reassuringly. "Now that we know that his paranoia regarding the Force was the result of his medical condition, we can see that, in his damaged mind, he believed that all his trouble started with the bond – the miraculous life-bond that he embraced, but which Qui-Gon rejected. He then went from being one of the most adept Force-users to fearing it, to believing that the Force was attempting to dictate his every action, engineer his destiny. Admittedly, that belief isn't all that far off from what many fanatics in the Order also believe."
"It's hard to fathom how he could function all those years at such a high level," Mace added guiltily. "Or was I completely blind."
Kas smiled. "He used quite a few methods to divert and manipulate us: sex, anger, guilt, even logic. He managed to effectively self- medicate and keep his symptoms to the minimum and living amongst beings where his behavior seemed normal also helped. Remember he wore the Force inhibitor off and on for those eight years before he met Anakin, partly to disguise himself from the Sith, but also to keep the Force under control in his own mind and hide his problems from us."
"So now that the damage has been repaired?" Mace asked. "His Force abilities are back to where they were before?"
"No, he has re-synched to Anakin now. That is why he became so unhinged on Palodino. He had somehow adjusted to his unbalanced state and then suddenly his whole system was thrown into shock again. His midi-chlorians are higher than before and Anakin's have come down somewhat, now they are both at about the same level. But yes, his Force abilities are back to full capacity and that is really what prompted my suggestion that he be put on active duty."
Kas looked across at Anakin pointedly. "That and the fact that recently he has been suffering from a mild case of depression, not caused by body chemistry this time."
"He's not depressed. He's happy, we're happy," Anakin said defensively.
"Perhaps depressed is too strong a word. He's `melancholy and morose' at times. He's bored and feeling redundant," she pushed to make her point.
Anakin rubbed his face. "Perhaps he could work in the Senate. They need someone with his intelligence and experience. He could work for the Chancellor. It would be perfect. We could work together and see the twins all the time, be a family." Anakin looked back and forth between Mace and Kas and saw the guarded look that passed between them. He knew he was reaching; Obi-Wan would hate being in the constant company of politicians.
"Or perhaps I could become a Jedi operative, we could partner and that way we could be together and I could look out for him," he said looking between the two masters, but now saw sympathy reflected in their eyes. This suggestion made even less sense. He loved his job. As head of the very powerful Sentient Aid Committee he had made great strides in the quest to abolish slavery. He couldn't desert them now; millions of lives were depending upon him.
How could he ever explain to these two how vital it was to him that Obi-Wan was here with him whenever he had one of his dark nightmares?
Mace smiled obviously reading his feelings. "Trust in the Force and release your worries. You must do what is right for you just as Obi- Wan must do what is right for him. Besides, there is more than just you and Obi-Wan's relationship to consider now. The Council has decided to review the attachment clause in the Code. Your love story seems to have caused quite a stir in the ranks."
Anakin smiled weakly and stood, suddenly needing to be alone. "I'm glad, it's about time that changed. I – I must be going now."
The two masters stood as well, watching as their young friend walked out the door, solemn and thoughtful. They knew he had a lot to think about and much to discuss with his bond-mate.
When Obi-Wan arrived home he found a note from Anakin saying that he had to go back to the Senate for an emergency meeting to discuss the riots on Va'lon and had taken the twins to the crèche. He was ashamed to admit that he was somewhat relieved. He still had too much to resolve in his own mind before discussing everything that needed to be discussed with his volatile bond-mate.
He went to the crèche to pick up the twins where he had a pleasant talk with the new crèche master, a lithe pink Twilek named Willa. They laughed over Leia's dominance over her brother and how Luke still managed to get around her obstinate will. As they talked, Luke rubbed his eyes and reached his arms up for his "Pawn", the name he had given his step-father. Obi-Wan picked him up for a hug, but soon found Leia wanting a share of the affection and held her arms up as well.
"I don't know how you do it," the young crèche master said shyly. "I have four or five padawans helping me with ten their age who don't have half the Force-ability and I still get weary."
Obi-Wan smiled. "They mostly entertain themselves, but I think I appreciate the attention as much as they do." He put Luke down and picked Leia up, hugging her and kissing her pink cheek. Soon she was squirming, never one for too much of a good thing.
"By the way, Senator Amidala contacted us today."
"Oh?" Obi-Wan asked.
"Yes, she was just inquiring about the twins, wondering how they were doing. She said she had tried to contact you and Anakin but couldn't get through."
Obi-Wan smiled. "Thanks for letting me know. I'll com her."
He ended up carrying Leia in his arms and holding Luke's hand as they walked to their quarters, Luke charming everyone he passed with his quick smiles, soft babbling and curious eyes. Obi-Wan just prayed he or Leia wouldn't take it into their heads to grab a pretty using their newly-found Force-powers, as they were known to do. He didn't know if he had the energy to curb a tantrum from one of them at the moment."
By the time they reached their quarters, Leia was asleep and Luke was on the verge of letting his tiredness show through either a crying spell or a tantrum. Obi-Wan laid Leia down in the crib and quickly picked Luke up as he prepared his bath. Luke was quite the hedonist, Obi-Wan thought with amusement as the toddler splashed around, his bad mood forgotten. All Luke needed was a warm bath and a full belly before he would give in to his exhaustion. Leia could fall asleep anywhere, anytime. She'd probably had a late snack and bottle in the crèche and that would see her through the night.
He loved the simple tasks of bathing the children and caring for them. He was giving Luke a warm bottle when he finally fell asleep in his arms. He carried Luke to the nursery and laid him next to his sister in the crib, then covered them both with a light blanket. He didn't know how long he stood there contemplating how much he was going to miss this. It would be so easy just to let things stay as they were, but he couldn't. He needed more and pretending that he didn't wasn't helping anyone.
He shut the door to their room, leaving just a crack, and went to the holo-unit. He took a deep breath before punching in the code for Padme.
"Hello?"
"Delia," Obi-Wan said, pleasure evident in his voice.
"Obi-Wan, my love. What a surprise. How did you know we were back?"
"Master Willa told me Padme called and was trying to get in touch with Anakin or me."
"Yes, we just got back last night and the poor girl is desperate to see her terrors," Delia said as she pushed a long blond bit of hair behind her ear, smiling at her friend.
Obi-Wan laughed. "They aren't terrors; you just don't like younglings."
"Don't be ridiculous. I love younglings, just a little older, say twenty or so with rippling muscles and gorgeous asses and full control of their bodily functions."
"Delia, you are something else," he laughed. "So how did the trip go?"
"Well, it's worse than we thought. Svolla is not going to give in without a fight and Padme's convinced he's behind the riots that are all over the holo-net."
Obi-Wan nodded. "She's probably right. Anakin is at the Senate right now discussing it in an emergency meeting."
"Well, that will be a waste of a good few hours. They'll do what they normally do -- throw money at the problem and send in the Jedi. You should have your hands full tonight when Anakin gets home. He'll probably pound your pretty little ass into the next star system as frustrated as he's going to be dealing with those blow-hards."
Obi-Wan laughed. Force, he'd missed Delia. "One can only hope."
"Well love, here's Padme. I'll call you tomorrow and we'll discuss when we can get together. I miss you."
"Okay, me too."
Padme suddenly appeared. It was always striking to see the contrast between the cool blond beauty of Delia compared to the fresh dark beauty of Padme. He often wondered if they would eventually fall into a relationship, but so far both women had remained only friends.
"How are you, Obi-Wan?" Padme asked warmly.
"I'm doing good. It's always a pleasure to see you, my friend. I'm glad you are back."
She smiled. "So am I." She suddenly became tentative and then asked, "How is Anakin?"
"He is good, at the Senate as usual."
"It's a good thing Anakin and I have you. Who would we get to watch over our children."
"I love them as if they were my own. I consider it a great gift."
"I want to see them. I have missed them -- so much. I've been thinking that now that I'm back that I could take them for a holiday, perhaps to Naboo?"
Obi-Wan nodded, but looked down uncomfortably. He could see Padme's desperation, but was hesitant to sanction such a trip, even if he could. "Padme --."
"They are my children, Obi-Wan."
"I know -- but, they are special children, Padme, even for Jedi. Right now they are untrained adepts and share an extraordinary bond that makes their power hard to handle at times. They have no control over the Force and it's not a good time in their development. We have to use the Force ourselves to control some of their urges. Tantrums are extremely difficult to handle."
"When are they going to be ready? My parents want to see their grand- children. I want to feel like a mother."
"You can see them, but it's best if you have a Force-user with you who can control them or at least be close enough to the Temple in case something happens."
"I always thought the Jedi were so cruel taking children away from their parents, now -- I feel so useless, Obi-Wan."
"In a few years it will be better, Padme. They will have learned how to control their powers and their bond and release their darker feelings."
Padme nodded. "So can I pick them up at the end of the week? I'd like to spend a few days with them. I'll stay close by."
Obi-Wan nodded. "Yes, I'll clear it with Master Yoda and Anakin. I -- ," he stopped when he saw the anger and pain in Padme's eyes. He felt bad for her. Of course she resented being treated like a lesser parent. She had lost Anakin and her children.
Shortly after the birth of the twins, the Queen of Naboo had unexpectedly died forcing Padme to return to her home planet immediately. Not wanting to subject the newborns to the rigors of space travel, she left them with Anakin. When she returned six cycles later, the babies couldn't adapt to being away from the Temple. They cried constantly and wouldn't eat. At first, Padme had accused Anakin of doing something to cause their discontent, but she had finally come to understand that her Force-adept children had grown accustomed to being surrounded by other Force-users and the Living Force that existed stronger at the Temple than any where else on Coruscant. That resentment had added to the already-strained relationship between her and Anakin. So now it was left up to Obi-Wan to be the messenger between the two. He was hopeful that once the children grew older the resentment and hard feelings would fade.
"Why don't I come by your apartment tomorrow so we can discuss the details? I'm sure there will be no problem with you keeping them for a tenday, and then I'll have an excuse to keep visiting," he teased, hoping to divert her frustration. "There is something I need to discuss with you anyway."
Padme nodded. "Fine," she said happily, then looked behind her and laughed.
Delia could be heard in the background yelling, "Tell him not to wear those boring Jedi tunics. I want something tight and sexy so I can ogle that cute arse I never got my hands on."
Padme shook her head and laughed. "You heard her, wear something sexy. I'll have lunch ready."
Obi-Wan chuckled as he turned off the holo-unit. "That's Delia," he said affectionately, pulling off his tunic as he headed for the fresher and a much needed shower.
After his shower, Obi-Wan pulled on his oldest pair of leggings and ate warmed-up leftover stew. He looked at the chronometer, 19:00. Anakin probably wouldn't be home for another two hours, a good time to try the new meditations Yoda was teaching him. When he and Yoda had meditated together earlier in the day, he'd actually felt something familiar in the Force, something that reminded him of Qui- Gon. Yoda suggested trying to meditate on Qui-Gon specifically and picture him in his mind using the Force.
Normally when you meditated, you emptied your mind and let the Force fill you. This allowed answers to flow to you of questions that you didn't know to ask. But this meditation was different; he was to think of Qui-Gon as he had been, the feel of him, the smell of him; to concentrate, filling his senses as completely with Qui-Gon as he could, and then use the Force to fill in any blanks. It was difficult and painful. Remembering Qui-Gon always filled him with an emptiness that he wasn't sure he could handle right now.
He turned off the lights and settled himself on his meditation mat. He pictured Qui-Gon in his mind's eyes, tall and thick, his hair streaked with grey, shining and silky, his eyes a deep blue surrounded with a sapphire ring and specks of green. His skin was golden, yet pale, and he had muscles that were well-defined and bulky. There were a few wrinkles around his eyes and a tightness surrounding his full lips. His stomach still flat, but the skin looser than it had been when he was a younger man. The feel of his skin was soft and smooth. He even felt the wiriness of the hairs on his legs and chest. The image grew clearer and clearer as Obi-Wan used the Force to fill in the image until Obi-Wan opened his eyes, and saw Qui-Gon standing in front of him in the midst of a blue haze. His heart was pounding in his chest as the image moved. "Qui-Gon," he whispered.
The lips of the image moved, but no words could be heard. Obi-Wan held his breath, frightened that if he moved even the slightest bit that he would lose the image forever. "I miss you, Qui-Gon," he whispered. Oh, if only this was real; if only he could touch that cheek.
"Obi-Wan," the image whispered back.
Obi-Wan gasped. "You sound so real. Are you really here?"
"Yes, believe in me."
"I - I do. I do. I have so much to tell you. I was wrong, I blamed you for everything. I love you, I love you. I love you."
"Yes."
"Anakin. Anakin is my love too. He is wonderful and he's made me so happy. He has children, Luke and Leia. They are amazing; they, are, everything to us. I --," `everything' reverberated in his brain and reminded him of Naboo and brought him back to what he needed most from this man. "Why did you leave me?"
"My time, my love -- Fallion." Qui-Gon whispered.
Suddenly the lights went on and the image was gone.
"What's going on? You look like you've seen a ghost," Anakin asked.
"I saw Qui-Gon."
"What?"
"I saw him just now. I talked to him." He wiped tears away that he didn't know he had shed and smiled. "It was so real."
"So now you are dreaming of your ex-lover? Great! Well you certainly don't need me anymore, now that you have the Council's blessing to go off on your missions so you can leave me and the twins behind and commune with Qui-Gon."
"Anakin, I'm not dreaming of him. I was meditating," Obi-Wan said crossly, bending to pick up the mat he'd been sitting on. He could tell this wasn't the time to discuss either Qui-Gon or Padme. Anakin was obviously upset about what he'd found out at the meeting and was picking a fight. "I'll make some tea."
"Tea? You don't drink tea. You drink caffa. What's this? More Qui-Gon shit?" Anakin flopped on the couch, running his hands through his hair. "-- Fucking Hutts. They killed them, every last one of them, even the children. For what? The few credits they could make off their labor. Over three thousand dead."
Obi-Wan sat next to his bond-mate and pulled him into his arms. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You've tried so hard to get them evacuated. Who ordered it?" he asked.
"No one knows for sure, but one of the Jedi that tried to stop it said he heard rumors that it was Svolla's tribe, but he's disappeared and there are thousands of planets in that system. They'll never find him."
"Fallion!" Obi-Wan said with amazement.
"What?"
"They should look on Fallion. That's a planet in that system, right?"
"Yeah, but where did that come from?"
"Qui-Gon said that right before you walked in. I didn't understand, but now I do. He wanted me to tell you to look on Fallion for Svolla. He's hiding there."
Anakin looked at him as if he'd lost his mind, but nodded. He got up and commed Mace. "Mace, I have reason to believe that Svolla may be hiding on Fallion. I can't say how I know; I just do. What can it hurt? Look there first is all I'm saying. Ok –Alright, I'll talk to you tomorrow. I'm too tired right now." He turned to look at Obi-Wan and shrugged. "I'm going to take a shower. Let me know if your ex- lover has any other information he'd like to share."
Obi-wan rolled his eyes. Anakin could be such a bastard sometimes. He smiled. He had actually contacted Qui-Gon; it hadn't been a dream and his master had communicated information that could prove helpful.
He was in bed when Anakin finally climbed in next to him, almost ready to drift off, when he felt his bond-mate kissing his neck. "I`m sorry I was such a bastard before. I had a terrible day and took it out on you. We have a lot to talk about." Obi-Wan turned in his arms and kissed him softly, "I can forgive you anything, my love." He then proceeded to kiss Anakin's neck, nibbling along until Anakin yelped. They both knew they were ignoring the need to talk, but were too tired to face the painful issues that needed to be resolved. All they wanted, at the moment, was to drown themselves in the simple joy of being together.
"Ow, did you eat dinner tonight? Because if you want something to eat, I have a suggestion."
Obi-Wan laughed. "I bet you do. Let me guess -- it's long and thick and very juicy."
"Oh yeah, and very, very hard," Anakin said as he pushed the erection in question against his bond-mate`s stomach.
Obi-Wan started stroking the erection, "Well, I am quite hungry and that looks like it could fill me up quite nicely. Here let me taste it and see if it's as good as it feels." With that, he scooted down and was about to take Anakin's very hard angry-looking cock in his mouth, when Anakin turned him around.
"I have a better idea. I find I'm quite hungry as well and you have quite a nice piece of meat yourself," he said as he pulled Obi-Wan's hips down to his mouth so he could engulf Obi-Wan's penis.
Obi-Wan gasped at the feel of Anakin's lips surrounding his cock, and lowered himself so he could lick the length of Anakin's erection. The two lovers sucked and licked each other's erections until Anakin was drinking down Obi-Wan's orgasm.
Anakin quickly flipped Obi-Wan onto his back and pushed his legs up over his shoulders and used his tongue to pierce Obi-Wan's puckered entrance. Obi-Wan cried out, "Oh God, Anakin, don't stop. Force, deeper." Anakin's tongue was driving Obi-Wan crazy, with its wild fluttering inside of him. Anakin suddenly stopped and collected the pre-come dribbling down his own eager erection and dropped Obi-Wan's legs back to the bed. He then straddled his dazed bond-mate and spread the pre-come around Obi-Wan's rose-tipped nipples, playing with the gold rings that pierced each one as he did. Anakin loved his bond-mate`s pink tipped pierced nipples and could spend hours torturing his lover, as he was doing now, pulling and pinching. He suddenly bent down and began sucking each one until Obi-Wan was reduced to a pool of quivering need.
"Anakin, I - please," Obi-Wan pleaded.
Anakin never could get enough of his lover. He wanted more, especially tonight when so many things seemed to be conspiring against them. While Obi-Wan was still gasping, Anakin pushed Obi-Wan onto his knees and began fingering the still-moist entrance. "Are you ready for me?" Anakin gasped, so turned on that he didn't know if he was going to be able to hold off before he could slide his cock inside the sweet crevice he was dying for. He grabbed the lube and began pushing his fingers in and out, loving the way the twitching muscle contracted around his slick digits. It was too much, too much. He positioned his drooling cock at his lover's opening, watching as he slowly pushed the tip of his cock in and then pulled out and then in again deeper. His head fell back at the glorious pleasure that streaked up his spine. "Fuckin, Force," he cried. Then not being able to hold off anymore he began pounding into Obi-Wan with such force that the bed moved across the floor -- the exact reason they moved the bed to the middle of the floor to begin with. In less than a minute, Anakin came and Obi-Wan followed right behind. They both lay covered in sweat and semen, completely exhausted and sated, falling to sleep entwined in each other's arms.
Anakin had decided to not go to the Senate today. He could get more done here then dealing with angry and excited senators flowing in and out of his office. Not that he had gotten much done in the last few hours. He and Obi-Wan had pulled each other off in the shower this morning, and then had breakfast together while he fed Luke and Obi- Wan fed Leia. Obi-Wan then rushed off, saying he had an errand to run before his saber class. Anakin had been selfish and spent the rest of the morning playing with his children.
He'd heard that Padme had arrived back on Coruscant yesterday and knew she'd be asking to take the children for a few days. Padme was a good person and a good mother. He supposed what he minded was how much she seemed to dislike him and blamed him for her separation from the twins. He had hoped that they could remain friends, but that didn't seem to be the case. Strangely, Obi-Wan was the one that had been able to stay friends with her and Delia. Well, not so strange he supposed. When it came to former lovers, he had discovered that he sometimes lacked tact. He had gotten angry at Padme's accusations and accused her of being jealous of him and Obi-Wan and his relationship with his children. He still believed that to be true, but it hadn't been the best way to handle it.
He smiled as he watched Leia crawl around her brother trying to pull a Force-cube from his hand. He laughed when Luke bopped her on the head with the toy, then remembered to do as Obi-Wan suggested. "Luke, No!" he said firmly, then sent a negative pulse in the Force to his son. Luke's brows creased as he looked at his father, not liking the feeling. When Luke rubbed Leia's head and smiled, Anakin smiled back and said, "Good Luke."
As a child, he never thought he could love someone as much as he loved his mother. That was until he met Obi-Wan and now he couldn't imagine loving anyone or anything as much as he loved his children and his bond-mate. Sometimes he was frightened by the intensity of his happiness. No one was meant to be this happy or this fulfilled. He had always known that it couldn't last and waited for something bad to happen. Now that everything was changing again, he knew he was right to question that joy. It could so easily be taken away from him. He tried pushing these fears away, but they were with him all the time. The darkness he'd been fighting all his life was closest during these moments of fear. Obi-Wan was the only one that could ease that fear and help him believe that he was stronger than the darkness.
He looked at the time and realized he'd better get lunch ready for the twins. He picked up Luke under one arm and then Leia with the other. They both squealed happily as he swung them around a few times.
He fed each one, managing to stop a food fight between the two of them when Leia got angry that Luke was getting fed faster than she was. After cleaning himself and the twins up, he put both of them down for a short nap before returning them to the crèche. While they were sleeping, he sat himself down to the daunting task of answering dozens of messages he was getting from senators regarding the riots. When he read the one from Mace, he stopped and leaned back in his chair stunned. Svolla had been arrested. They found the Hutt overlord hiding on the small planet of Fallion. Of course Mace wanted to know where he had gotten his information. So it was true? Obi- Was had in fact contacted Qui-Gon? A very dead Qui-Gon, through meditation? What the fuck was that all about? Could his life get anymore complicated than it already was.
He was angry and didn't even know why. The thought of Obi-Wan fucking Qui-Gon bothered him a little, but not nearly as much as it bothered him that Mace and Obi-Wan had an affair. Even though he knew that Obi- Wan loved Qui-Gon and always would, and only thought of Mace as a friend, it was a matter of pride. He never doubted Obi-Wan's love and devotion to him; he felt it every hour of every day within the bond.
But Obi-Wan's ability to contact Qui-Gon indicated other things, deeper metaphysical ramifications in the Force. He didn't want Obi- Wan to be singled out by the Force anymore than he already had been. His bond-mate believed that somehow his whole life had been usurped, making him some kind of tool of the Force to be used as it saw fit. This latest revelation was further proof that his bond-mate might not be wrong and that his usefulness had not ended with the death of the Sith. Just more to worry about.
Now, just when they were finally getting their lives back together and healing the hurt from their earlier lives, the Council was going to send his love back out into the galaxy where all kinds of bad things could happen. He sat, staring at the message on the screen brushing his hand through his hair, trepidation and nervousness settling sickeningly in his stomach. It was a familiar feeling of late.
Whenever he tried to imagine what his life would be like without the love of his life, he knew that his visions of darkness were closely related to his relationship with Obi-Wan. If he had lost his love, he would have succumbed to the darkness. Of that he was sure. When he held Obi-Wan in his arms and told him of his fears and tried to explain how desperately he needed him, Obi-Wan would shake his head in denial and claim that it was the other way around.
Anakin decided to try and occupy his mind by starting dinner, but found his mind still wandering as he stirred the peca sauce. The last two years had wrought so many changes in their lives and still more changes were coming. He still had dreams of not making it in time to catch is lover before he jumped; the feelings of complete and utter despair would have him sobbing in his sleep like a crècheling until Obi-Wan woke him and held him close, convincing him that it was just a dream. Then there were the other dreams, the ones that haunted him even more: images of him falling to the dark side, of a monster dressed in black, breathing heavily with an insatiable hunger for power. They were the same dreams he'd had as a child, but now he knew that the monster was grieving for a monumental loss. The monster's grief felt familiar to him – he'd felt that same kind of despair and anguish for the three years that Obi-Wan had been lost to him.
Yoda or Obi-Wan meditated with him whenever these visions and dreams occurred, helping him to release his anxiety to the Force. The visions had become more and more infrequent of late; it had been several cycles since he'd had one at all. However, he still worried over the things that could have come to pass if just for a split second hesitation on his part. If he hadn't reached Obi-Wan in time, if he hadn't convinced him that he needed help and that their love was worth living for. He'd come so close to losing Obi-Wan that it terrified him just to think of it.
He was so deep in his own reflections that he failed to feel Obi-Wan arriving to their apartment. It wasn't until he felt the warm touch to his cheek that he realized his bond-mate was home. "Obi-Wan!" Anakin turned and pulled his bond-mate tightly against him, "Oh, my love," he whispered sadly.
"What is it?" Obi-Wan asked softly.
"You going on active duty, leaving on missions. Qui-Gon. Everything," Anakin said desperately.
"It will be okay. I'll be okay, I promise. I can do this Anakin, truly," he stated, gently touching the side of his lovers face with his palm.
"I know. I met with Mace and Kas yesterday. They made me see that it's not just you that I worry about. I don't know if I can live without you for even a few ten days, let alone a few cycles. I miss you when you are teaching saber classes even for a few hours." Anakin sighed with relief, as he always did, when holding his bond-mate in his arms.
Obi-Wan smiled. "That's why we need to do this. We are too dependent upon each other. For two years neither one of us has been out of the other's sight for more than a day. Now that we've learned to deal with the bond and I've healed, we need to learn to become functioning Jedi again. I miss being involved in galactic peacekeeping. It's what I have trained for my whole life. Mace says that instead of building on the bond and the bond strengthening us, we've given up parts of ourselves instead."
"Is that what Mace says?" Anakin retorted angrily, pulling away and walking into the common room. "Is that before or after he ogles you?"
"You are just being difficult now. Time apart will do us good; you know it's true. We must be able to function independently from each other. We are both destined to train Luke and Leia. In order to do that we must be the best Jedi we can be, apart as well as together." He moved toward Anakin and rubbed his back. "It's been a struggle to get the Council to agree to let us stay together for the last two years even with the bond and now that they are re-evaluating the attachment interpretation the whole order is watching what they do and what we do. What kind of example are we going to be, if we are hampered by instead of enhanced by the bond?"
Anakin snorted angrily and turned around to face Obi-Wan. "I could care less what the Council is going to do or what the Jedi do. You and the twins are all I care about. What if something happens to you? I can't – I can't lose you again." His voice broke as he crushed Obi- Wan against his chest. He knew he was being unfair and unreasonable, that Obi-Wan was as scared as he of separating, but needed this as a personal test. Truth be told he needed it as well. Obi-Wan had been so dependant upon him that Anakin had grown used to it, needed it. For so long he had felt unwanted and unneeded that it had been a balm to his soul to feel that he was the center of Obi-Wan's world. Now his bond-mate was pulling away and trying to assert his independence once again. He supposed he was worried that Obi-Wan would discover that he no longer wanted him after all.
"Aren't we enough for you?" Anakin whispered against Obi-Wan's neck, hating himself even as he spoke the words.
Obi-Wan stiffened and pulled away. "Stop it. You know better than that. As much as I miss my work, you and the twins are everything. I just would like to be worthy of you. If I want to train Luke one day, I must have something valuable to teach him."
"I know I'm being selfish. I want you all to myself," Anakin pleaded. "I want to have you here waiting for me, to advise me when I encounter a dilemma in the Senate, comfort me when I'm tense or sad, to push away the darkness. To make love to you every minute I can. I admit I'm addicted to you," he said with a smile, hoping to cover the sound of desperation he heard in his own voice. "I thought that perhaps you could work in the Senate as a diplomat or for Chancellor Vallorum. You know he's always asking after you."
Obi-Wan didn't return the smile. He turned instead and walked further into the common room, determined to make his bond-mate understand. "Anakin, please." Obi-Wan sat down on the couch. "I don't want to work in the Senate. I want to be restored to mission status, to function in the Galaxy like a Jedi again. And I want all that entails; the travel, the stress, the -- danger. It's all I ever wanted."
"What about me and the twins? Where do we fit?" Anakin asked bitterly, hating being angry with his lover, but it hurt.
"The same place the twins and I fit in yours. You are everything to me. But why must either of us sacrifice our dreams for the other to be happy?"
"Because there are realities of life that must be faced. Who will take care of the babies? When will we see each other? Have you not considered these little details?"
"Yes. I have asked for Mid-rim missions. That means I will be within a day or two travel most of the time. Also shorter missions, no more than a few tendays at a time and at least two tendays between missions."
"The Council will never agree to that."
"They have agreed to it. Being a galactic hero and the only Sith- killer around has its advantages," he smiled weakly.
"The twins will be stuck in the crèche all the time. I'm worried that Padme will hear that neither of us are a daily part of their lives and take them. We won't see each other."
"I've talked to Padme, she has agreed to leave them in the crèche, but does want to take them for short visits on Coruscant as often as possible. She understands that it's the best place for them considering their Force abilities. We will see each other between missions, two tendays at a time at least."
"You spoke to Padme about this before you spoke to me? About my children?" Anakin barked, but then softened his voice remembering the babies were asleep in the next room.
"When your work at the Senate keeps you away from home, they are "our" children, but now they are all yours? I'm the one who has to discuss visitation details with their mother because you two can't get along. So don't pretend that this is some great betrayal. Grow up Anakin!" Obi-Wan didn't want to fight, he wanted to reason with Anakin and make him see that things change, that he couldn't will things to stay the same just because he wanted it.
Obi-Wan stood, irritation showing in his face and began pacing. "You know I'm not the only one in this marriage. I have needs and dreams too. We are still two individuals, no matter how close we are. And we need to grow as individuals." He stopped suddenly and looked into Anakin's eyes and asked, "How about you Anakin, what are you willing to compromise on?'
Anakin looked back uncomfortably at Obi-Wan and seeing the steel in those gray eyes, he knew that Obi-Wan wasn't budging this time. In the past he'd always been able to convince Obi-Wan to see things his way, to give in. Besides how do you argue when you know you're wrong. "I - I guess I'll make sure to leave the Senate before dinner every night to have meals with the children and you if you are here. I`ll start taking those two tenday Senate vacations every other cycle that I've always worked through before. I will cancel the tour of the outer rim planets --."
"No. You shouldn't do that. Padme could take the twins or they will be fine in the crèche. We want them to fit in with their age mates and an occasional extended visit to the crèche would be a good idea. And I can see about taking a cycle off during that time. That's too important to you and to the outer rim planets. You are so close to realizing your dreams."
Anakin felt the anger and frustration rise up in him and knew this is what he'd been dreading, he`d been defeated. He couldn't deny Obi- Wan's dreams in favor of his own. He had wanted to believe that their almost perfect life would continue, where his every dream had come true. The man he loved was bound to him, he had his children with him and he had a job that fulfilled him on every level. When he'd become a Jedi, he had given up these dreams and accepted that love and family were lost to him, but somehow in the last two years had come to believe that the Force had granted him a reprieve. Now the reality of being a Jedi was here and he realized how much he resented it.
At some level he didn`t understand why he couldn't have it all, why the perfection couldn't continue? He rushed to Obi-Wan and pulled him into his arms, crushing him against him, suddenly needing his bond- mate's light to push the darkness away. "I -- I'm scared that I can't do this."
Obi-Wan held the younger man in his arms and opened the bond further so that Anakin could feel the love and faith he had in him, wanting to reassure his love that distance and time wouldn't change the depth of their love.
Anakin smiled against his lover`s neck, suddenly overwhelmed with the love he felt pouring from his bond-mate for him. "I suppose it will work. It won't be easy."
Obi-Wan shook his head. "No. It will be the hardest thing we'll ever do."
"We won't see much of each other."
"But the homecomings will be unbelievable."
Anakin smiled. "Our kids won't see us as much as they do now."
Obi-Wan laughed. "Well considering most Jedi children don't even know their parents. I think they will handle it just fine. In fact, the crèche masters will probably accuse us of smothering them."
Anakin nodded. "They do now." He pulled back and looked into Obi- Wan's eyes and reached out to pinch the dimpled chin. "I love you."
Obi-Wan closed his eyes and smiled. "I love you." "You are right. We can do this." Anakin said, suddenly taking Obi- Wan's hand and pulling him into the bedroom. "I can do anything knowing that you love me," he said as he threw Obi-Wan onto the bed. "The twins are asleep," he whispered, "and we are wasting time talking." Both men smiled mischievously as they began pulling clothes off. Anakin pulled back the covers and Obi-Wan reached for the lube from the night table, but both froze when they heard a cry from the other bedroom. "Oh, no!" Anakin said, as he dropped the edge of the blanket.
Obi-Wan turned his head and listened. He was hoping Leia would go back to sleep, but was already dropping the lube back into the drawer as he turned towards Anakin. "Damn," he said regretfully. "I'll get her." When he reached the door to the bedroom he turned back to his bond-mate and smiled wickedly at the sight of his husband standing naked with a very long, prominent erection bumping against his flat stomach and a look of disbelief in his eyes. "Save that for tonight and I'll make it worth your while," Obi-Wan said arching his brows lustfully, then turned and rushed to the nursery before Leia woke Luke.
Anakin smiled as Obi-Wan disappeared around the corner. He fell back on the bed, leaning back on his elbows staring at his needy erection and laughed. "Easy for you to say." He looked up and saw the seashell necklace that his mother had made him hanging from a corner of the bureau mirror and felt the rightness within the Force of their new path. He was frightened by what lay ahead, but hopeful. He could do anything as long as he had Obi-Wan's love and faith. Life was good, real good – perhaps not perfect, but damn well close, he thought before reaching for his leggings.
The End